April 8th, 2019: the worst day of my life.
The day we were told his heart stopped beating. A day I will never forget. A day I wish I didnâ€™t have to live, but then that would mean I wouldnâ€™t get to see his face, and I wouldnâ€™t trade anything for that moment. As painful as it was I wouldnâ€™t take back any of it because that would mean taking back our son. I only wish he were here with us. After he was born and they laid him on my chest, for a brief moment I had this feeling of peace. I looked up at my husband and smiled because I was in total and complete awe of him. This life we created. A little bit of me and a little bit of him. Itâ€™s true, everything they say about the moments following your childâ€™s birth. And itâ€™s true whether they live or not. The instant love. The feeling is truly indescribable. I donâ€™t know why our story had to end the way that it did. Iâ€™ll never be able to make sense of it or comprehend how a perfect pregnancy could end so tragically.
But today, 1 year later, though it hasnâ€™t got â€œeasierâ€ we have learned how to continue living as parents to an angel.
I have learned how to trust, even and especially when itâ€™s hardest too.
I have learned how to look for the good in the mist of the bad, because itâ€™s always there.
I have learned that God is near and will never leave us or forsake us, even if it feels like he has.
I have learned that Preston will be with us always, just not in the way we expected him to be.
Our sweet son. Our miracle baby. You are missed and loved beyond words. ðŸ¦‹
Tomorrow, April 9th, 2020, is Preston’s 1st birthday, and I didn’t just want it to be a sad day. I wanted to honor him the best way I knew how. I thought about what he meant to me and the first thought that came to me was that he was a miracle! I invited everyone to join us in celebrating his birthday by celebrating the everyday miracles that surround us.