My sweet son, 5 months of missing you.. Some days I still can’t believe you’re gone. Some days still feel impossible, but then you send me a reminder that you’re with me. A yellow butterfly will cross my path. I’ll see a sign with your name on it just when I need to see it. A dove will appear out of nowhere. A perfectly arched rainbow will appear not once, but 3x in the same week. I love all of these reminders, but none of them are you. At least not in the way I planned or imagined. I wonder what you would be doing now at 5 months. I have no idea what milestones a 5 month old reaches. A part of me wanted to google it, but honestly I don’t want to know. It’s too painful to see all of the firsts I am missing, so I will be grateful for the memories I did have with you. I will hold on to your kicks, rolls and hiccups. I will hold on to your movements every time I played your favorite song, or the sun shined on you. I will hold on to how you would wiggle around when you would hear your daddy’s voice. I will hold on to your sweet smile on the ultrasound that even surprised the technician, and believe that you are still smiling now even though we cant see you. I will hold on to Jesus and trust in His plans even when they don’t make sense to me. I will hold on to hope even when it hurts. I have had to let go of the life we had planned, but I will forever hold on to all the beautiful memories of you 🦋
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5
