The word that God has put on my heart over and over since losing Preston is HOPE. But what does Hope really mean?
For me it holds several meanings.. first and foremost that I WILL be reunited with my son again. I WILL see him again. That isn’t just some nice thought that makes me feel better, it is TRUTH. 2. Hope that there will be some purpose in my pain. Not because God caused this to happen (he didn’t), and not even because “everything happens for a reason”, but because I choose to create some purpose from it. The greatest gift we are given as humans is free will. What we decide to do with that gift is up to us. After something tragic happens, we can easily choose to live a life of hopelessness, blame God, live miserable, live bitter and defensive. But who does that really serve? Or, we can choose to have Hope, to trust God and His plan (even when it makes absolutely no sense), to live a life where grief and joy coexist, to have faith that somehow He will make something beautiful from our ashes.
Regardless of the circumstance we may find ourselves in, there is always HOPE as long as we are still breathing. For me personally, choosing hope has made me more intentional.. with my time, relationships and decisions. Choosing hope has made me more empathetic of others and their pain. Choosing hope has made me appreciate the small things in life by realizing they are actually the big things. Choosing hope has revealed the depths of my faith, and also where it lacked. But mostly, choosing hope has allowed me to continue living life in the present, while being excited & hopeful for the future.
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.Lamentations 3:20-23 NLT