You think you’re strong until someone you haven’t seen since you were 9 months pregnant asks an honestly innocent and rational question. Yet, the seemingly innocent words pierce directly through my heart and take me tumbling right back down to the pit I’ve fought so hard to climb out of. The truth is they are right. My baby is supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be exhausted from sleepless nights & late night feeds. I’m supposed to have an almost 3 month old son. Life was NOT supposed to be this way. Yet here we are. We have survived the unthinkable for almost 3 months. And while the days do seem to get somewhat more “manageable†it doesn’t take much to bring me right back down. If I had no anchor to hold on to, the task to climb back out would feel impossible.
Every day I am forced to make a choice. Am I going to wallow in my despair, or reach out for Hope? For me, I had to make this choice early on. I had to choose to choose HOPE even when it felt hopeless. It wasn’t the easy choice, but the other choice didn’t make me feel better. The other choice didn’t bring my son back.Â
The truth of the matter is I’m still on this earth for a reason. All of us are on this earth not just for a reason, but for a purpose. And until the day I am called home I am going to continue to choose HOPE, even when it hurts. . . { this photo was taken on a really hard day. We were in NYC and I was in the back of an Uber by myself and started praying to God asking him to show me a sign. Seconds later I look to my right and we drive right past this sign. God hears our prayers .. we just have to be bold enough to ask ðŸ™ðŸ½ }